She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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