I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
