i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm like, not good at living.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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