now i know why i became what i already was.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
