I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Damn victory sex feels great
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
