the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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