he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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