my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
