Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
