who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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