I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
