I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
