Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
