My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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