look no pants
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
