did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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