4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
