This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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