Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
