i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
