Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
