Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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