pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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