She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
