Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
