Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
