Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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