I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
