Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
