No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
soo... how was my night?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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