three words: i give head
three words: not that well
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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