when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
