I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
