If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
