Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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