So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
