Can i not drive my cunt home
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
