Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
