sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
