just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
