so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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