I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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