THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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