i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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