How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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