Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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