Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She announced her abortion via fbk
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
