What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
