my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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