the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
