Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So much Jack, so little girl.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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