I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
