I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
