i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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