I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
